I wish upon a tree...
that all my wishes will come true.
And that all my shattered dreams,
will be fixed into a whole.
Saturday, October 4, 2008
I had said to my friends and said to myself, that I am over him. That all my love for him, is friendship and sibling love. But, last night, upon seeing him again; all my girlish affections come rushing back. I had to restrain myself from not cooing all over him and that, in my opinion, is plain disgusting.
I thought I had left that girl behind. The girl who couldn't hide my feelings for the boy she loves. The girl who will do almost anything for him (though till date, there wasn't a thing that she never did for him that she couldn't). This kind of outburst of affections is kind of a heavy burden. More for him than for me. For me, I am merely making a fool out of myself.
And, one thing I hate most, is to be a burden to my friends, especially the boy I love.
Is love a burden?
I think, it is a burden when you know that this person loves you but you are unable to reciprocate his or her feelings. It hurts to know that the both of you knows that and still try to get on, pretending that you don't know; to keep this facade going on. To keep the friendship.
I ought to have known better.
Did all those 5-6 years of emotional highs and lows teach me nothing?
I should have known better than to step into that again.
My actions are jeopardizing our friendship.
Now in the light of the day, I am thinking and hoping that my actions last night are due to the fact that I haven't seen him for 3 months. That I miss my good friend. And nothing more.
That I have not once again put myself into that emotional hell hole and burden my friend with this unwelcome love and affection.
I am a grown person, I can control myself better than that.
Now, I understand that 5-6 years of feelings are not so easy to write off nor do they fade away that fast. Residual affections and behaviour do remain.
This must be it.
Things will be fine the next time. I must not burden him with my girlish feelings and unwanted affections any more. For that will only stress him and drive a wedge into our friendship.
12:34:00 PM
you drove my darkness away//*
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Musings and rantings of a girl who enjoys the simple things in life and wishes that the world is not so complicated.
Night Dancers
by Thomas Kennedy
Their quick feet pattered on the grass
As light as dewdrops fall.
I saw their shadows on the glass
And heard their voices call.
But when I went out hurrying
To join them,they were gone.
I only found a little ring
Of footprints on the lawn.
